Well S***, Jaws

Tom Brady must be playing well if he is eliciting four letter words from the mouths of commentators…

…and thank god for people taking video of their tv sets at home…

The Moment We’ve All Been Waiting For…

YES.

Monday Musings

Cue the music, it’s the Return of Rex Grossman.

100% pure sex appeal

Sexy Rexy looked pedestrian at times completely and utterly dominate in the Redskins 28-14 victory over the Giants Sunday. Grossman threw a pair of touchdowns, first to Anthony Armstrong and a second to Jabar Gaffney. His preseason prediction of winning the NFC East — something Washington hasn’t done since 1999 — certainly doesn’t sound as ridiculous as it did a few weeks back, does it? Just hand him the MVP trophy now.

Also from yesterday’s Redskins/Giants clash came this display of bravery. Watch New York kicker Lawrence Tynes give something less than 110 percent as he tries to recover his blocked field goal attempt.

So THAT is what Cam Newton is capable of when he is legitmately paid to play football. Newton broke the record for most passing yards in a NFL debut with 422 against Arizona. Here is his first career touchdown pass. Steve Smith must be thrilled.

I will never claim to have the smarts of a NFL coach, but take a second look at that play. The Cardinals biltz the corner, and then that poor soul wearing #25 in red proceeds into some kind of ‘let-Steve-Smith-run-right-by-me’ coverage. Kerry Rhodes, way to be. Also, you have to love how Adrian Wilson tries to play keep away knowing full well the Panthers want that ball for Newton.

I’m a big fan (for what that’s worth) of how NBC presents the offensive and defensive starters. Giving 11 guys the opportunity to pimp their alma mater — knowing at least one of them is going to tell us what high school he attanded — is infinitely better than listening to Joe Buck read off a list of names. Anyway, I couldn’t help but notice last night that the Jets starting offensive unit resembles a Big Ten class reunion. Check this out:

• RB Shonn Greene Iowa
• WR Plaxicco Burress Michigan State
• WR Santonio Holmes Ohio State
• (3rd) WR Derrick Mason Michigan State
• TE Dustin Keller Purdue
• LG Matt Slauson Nebraska
• C Nick Mangold Ohio State
• RG Brandon Moore Illinois

Best play of Week 1: Baltimore’s converted fake PAT (video via guyism.com). Not because the holder (punter Sam Koch) could have walked into the endzone, but because it put the Ravens up by 22 points. If there was ever a need for a taunting penalty…

Worst play of Week 1: Did you see Kerry Collins under center? Yikes. How he wound up with a QB rating of 82.3  remains a mystery.

Why is Brett Wearing a Purple #7 Jackson Jersey?

Alright, alright. Real funny Mr. Equipment Manager. Look at you, trying to make a name for yourself. You really got us this time. The guy under center isn’t wearing a #4 Favre jersey. Instead, the nameplate reads “Jackson.”

You really think you can pull one over on us Mr. Equipment Manager? Brett’s been starting since half of his fans were in diapers. You can’t honestly tell me you thought you’d have all of these fans believing he wasn’t actually playing tonight. Did you?

Just hilarious. You put TarVar’s jersey in Brett’s locker and the #4 in TarVar’s locker. Somehow, it worked. Not even God knows how you pulled this off, considering God himself destroyed the Metrodome to give Brett an extra day of rest. Surely you saw that golden light entering through the massive rip in the dome. That was God’s healing aura trying to get Brett to 298. And now you come along, trying to instill fear in the hearts of Brett’s faithful followers.

I can only hope you, Mr. Equipment Manager, are sitting on the same couch as Brad Childress tomorrow.

ZOMG

The scene in Minneapolis…

photos from espn1500.com in Minneapolis

Week 14 TV Schedule

The weather man has decided to dump over a a foot of snow in Minneapolis, changing the week 14 schedule a bit. The Giants were unable to land in the Twin Cities after the Minneapolis airport closed. The team is staying in Kansas City Saturday night, and game time has been changed to Monday night at 6 p.m. (CST). The game will be televised by Fox in the New York, Minneapolis and Rochester, Mn. markets.

Now, on to this week’s TV maps:
FOX
CBS at noon
CBS at 3:00pm

Games that will be televised in the Iowa City area:
Noon: Cincinnati at Pittsburgh, CBS
3pm: New England at Chicago, CBS

**Fox hasn’t announced which games will be televised in the markets that were supposed to see the Giants play the Vikings. The logical switch seems to be Green Bay at Detroit for viewers in Iowa City.

Are You Ready for some Fantasy Playoffs?

If your league’s fantasy commissioner was smart, he/she learned a valuable lesson from Tony Dungy: start your league’s playoffs in Week 14 and end them in Week 16. Don’t let Jim Sorgi decide whose fake team is best.

Week 14 marks an important point in the fantasy season. For some owners, it’s the beginning of the playoffs. As for the rest of us make-believe G.M.s, there’s always next year. (Possible lockout? Gulp.)

The Adrian Peterson’s and Chris Johnson’s of the world are expected to produce this time of year. But as last year’s owners of Jerome Harrison or 2008 owners of Pierre Thomas have experienced, finding a late-season, hidden gem can make or break a championship run. And while identifying talent is crucial, match-ups can prove equally as important.

Whether you’ve slipped into the playoffs despite losing Tony Romo early or are scrambling for a Frank Gore-replacement as a high seeded team, here are a few players that could be stuffing your fantasy stocking.

 Quarterback

Josh Freeman, Tampa Bay

photo courtesty of mkrob.com
The second-year signal caller has hit his stride since a week four bye. Starting in Week 5, Freeman has thrown for 12 touchdowns and only three interceptions, while averaging about 237 yards per game. With the emergence of wide out Mike Williams and running back LeGarrette Blount, Freeman is primed for a fantasy playoffs to remember. The Buccaneers play at Washington and then at home against Detroit and Seattle in Weeks 14-16. This gives Freeman a passer-friendly schedule to work with, as those three teams rank fourth, 17, and third in terms of most passing yards allowed per game. Freeman should have no problem wheelin’ and dealin’ against those defenses and potentially becoming a fantasy playoff MVP.

 Jay Cutler, Chicago — While some may be ready to yell Scrooge, Cutler’s recent performances have given others a reason to believe this holiday season. Since week eight, Cutler has amassed 10 touchdowns, including an impressive four-touchdown performance against the Eagles in Week 12. With a running attack that has been consistently inconsistent (Matt Forte and Chester Taylor combined for 62 yards rushing against a then-league worst Bills’ run D in Week 9), Chicago will be leaning on the right arm of Cutler for points. So, too, should fantasy owners when Chicago hosts New England in week 14. The Patriots are allowing a NFL-worst 299 yards per game to opposing quarterbacks. The Bears will go on to play Minnesota in Week 15, whom Cutler has thrown 10 TDs and five INTs against in his career. This includes a three-touchdown outing against the Vikings in Week 10. The native of Santa Claus, Ind. could very well have owners ‘Ho ho ho-ing’ into a Week 16 championship match up.

 Running Back

Michael Bush, Oakland — Owners looking for a boom-or-bust candidate should look no further than the Raiders backfield. Second on the depth chart, Bush has made the most of the few opportunities presented to him in 2010. In three of the four games in which the 245 pound back has received at least 15 carries, he has rushed for either 90 yards or a touchdown. For owners looking to endorse Bush’s services, Oakland’s schedule lends a helping hand. The Raiders play Jacksonville, Denver, and Indianapolis over the next three weeks. The Broncos and Colts rank second and fourth in terms of most rushing yards allowed per game, while the Jaguars yield 109 yards per game to opposing backs. Not only is Bush coming off a 95-yard, one-score performance in Week 13, but he also rushed for 52 yards and a TD against Denver in Week 7. Although Darren McFadden might steal the show, his teammate could do damage with 10-12 carries a game.

Tashard Choice, Dallas

photo courtesty of espn.com
With Marion Barber injured, Choice stepped in to run alongside Felix Jones in Week 13. The results were plentiful. Choice rushed for 100 yards and a TD on 19 carries against Indianapolis’ user-friendly run defense. Should owners feel confident about moving on after round one of the playoffs, stashing Choice away now would be a wise decision. The Cowboys take on the Redskins and Cardinals in Weeks 15 and 16, two units that rank fifth and third in rushing yards allowed per game. The Cardinals have also given up the second most touchdowns via the ground at 15 on the year. As long as Barber is out, Choice is a wise one in Dallas.

Wide Receiver

Earl Bennett, Chicago — Much has been made before about Bennett’s connection with Cutler from their days at Vanderbilt. Given the schedule, owners may be right to think the time is now for their relationship to materialize on the field. Bennett will face a weak Patriots secondary in Week 14, a squad that gave up 285 yards through the air to the Lions on Thanksgiving. In Week 12, the third-year wide receiver caught a pair of TDs. Last week against the Lions, Bennett caught seven balls for 104 yards. If recent history is any indication of the future, owners will want to jump on this Chicago wide out’s bandwagon.

 Steve Breaston, Arizona­­­

photo courtesy of unlockedsports.com
Owners looking for a Hail Mary of sorts should target Breaston. The second wide receiver in the Cardinals passing attack could end up being the perfect example of how match-ups are huge come playoff time. While many defenses will likely shade coverage to perennial stud Larry Fitzgerald, Breaston could benefit and reward owners willing to take a risk on him. The former Michigan Wolverine played well against weaker secondaries earlier in the season, going for 132 yards against St. Louis in Week 1 and 98 yards versus Seattle in Week 10. Breaston could feast on Denver and Dallas cornerbacks in weeks 14 and 16. Those two teams have allowed the third and second most receiving TDs this season.

 Bringing home a fantasy championship will be extra sweet this year, as week 16 games will be played the day after Christmas. Now, go make your momma proud. And bring home a present or two for her as well.

Week 13 TV Schedule

Here are the TV maps for week 13:
CBS
FOX at noon
FOX at 3:00pm

Here are the games that will be televised in the Iowa City area:
Noon: Buffalo at Minnesota, CBS
Chicago at Detroit, FOX
3pm: Dallas at Indianapolis, FOX

Maps courtesy of The 506.

Jon Gruden Asks You Refrain from Smiling on the Sidelines

Down 24-6 to the 49ers Monday night, Cardinals quarterback Derek Anderson and lineman Deuce Lutui were shown on the sideline discussing dinner plans ERRRRRRR something in the fourth quarter. More importantly, they were disappointing Jon Gruden:

HOW DARE YOU CRACK A SMILE DEREK ANDERSON! HOW DARE YOU LEAD YOUR TEAMMATES ASTRAY!

After the game, Anderson was questioned about the intimate exchange with his right guard. Just what were you talking about, Derek?

Seems like Derek doesn’t want to share his personal feelings with the media. Guess they’ll just have to speculate for themselves. Here is what a few people with insider information have reported on what the two were discussing :

• Tom Brady’s newest endorsement.
• How many times Anderson could use the word ‘shit’ during a press conference that included Deuce Lutui’s first name.
• The joke that is the NFC West.
• How much money it would take to get Cam Newton under center for the Cardianls in week 13.
• Lutui asked if Anderson still kept in touch with Brady Quinn, whom Anderson competed against in Cleveland for playing time and whom Lutui played against during his days at USC. All Anderson could think of was this. 

Monday Musings

• The NFC West is making a strong case for the NFL to change how teams qualify for the playoffs. With only a quarter of the season left to play, the Rams and Seahawks are still debating if they should tank the season for better draft position tied for first place with records of 5-6. Neither team has a particularly favorable schedule for the remainder of the season, so it will be interesting to see if one of these teams makes the playoffs with a losing record.
• Steve Johnson, why so serious? The Bills wideout tweeted this after dropping a game-winning touchdown against the Steelers on Sunday:

“I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO…”

• Dwayne Bowe now has 14 touchdowns on the season. He may want to check himself, as he is quickly losing the reputation of being a wide receiver who drops passes.
• For the second week in a row, punches were thrown in a NFL game. The Titans Cortland Finnegan went right to the facemask of the Texans Andre Johnson. After both players lost their helmets, Johnson got in a few shots of his own: